I probably shouldn’t be writing while I’m on pain medication for kidney stones, but here we go…
In my more lucid moments I started reading Radical Hospitality by Daniel Homan and Lonni Collins Pratt. The authors write, “We all have some sort of rule we live by, consciously or otherwise. Your own rule consists of the little things you do that shape your life.” They go on to say “Your rule of life is nothing more than what you have determined is most important to seeking and maintaining a meaningful existence. Your rule is a collection of what you think matters…”
So what makes life meaningful? Is it a life you are living now, or something you hope to get too down the road? What matters?
As I ask myself these questions I find that the wrestling match begins with the definitions of “meaningful”, “value”, “living”. Is is money in the bank? Is it cultural cache? Is it success as measured by title and compensation? It is the right schools for my kids and their “above average” achievement?
But I know this isn’t it. These are big issues which hide the bigger question. Then it comes. The big “ah ha!” that has me really thinking. It’s a story that Homan and Colllins Pratt share:
“Go with us to a corner of the sprawling market in Mexico City where an old Indian man named Poto-lamo is selling Onions. Twenty strings of onions lay in front of him. A guy from Denver walks up and asks, “How much for the string of onions?”
“Ten cents,” replies Poto-lamo
“How much for two strings?”
Poto-lamo fixes his eyes on him and says, “Twenty cents.”
“What about three?”
“Thirty cents.”
“Not much a reduction for quantity. Would you take twenty-five cents for three?”
“No.”
“Well, how much for all of it, the whole twenty strings?”
“I will not sell you the whole twenty strings.”
“Why not?” asks the American. “Aren’t you here to sell onions?”
“No,” replies Poto-lamo, “I am here to live my life. I love this market. I love the crowds. I love the sunlight and smells. I love the children. I love to have my friends come by and talk about their babies and their crops. That is my life and for that reason I sit here with y twenty strings of onions. If I sell all my onions to one customer, then my day is over and I have lost my life that I love — and that I will not do.”
So there it is…I think. The thing that I wrestle with but cannot grasp. The frustration at the center of my existential angst. In all the groping and striving and shaping of vision and mission and purpose…in all the “big” things, here is the small thing that I sense that I keep missing – awareness of what is right in front of me (something that speed and urgency always steal). I’m such a striving person. I don’t have…what? Rhythm, I think. A deep exhalation. An openness to the people and events right in front of me. A contentment for small graces and simple gifts.
At least I think that is what it is. Any ideas?
Source: Radical Hospitality. Benedict’s Way of Love by Father Daniel Homan, OSB, and Lonni Collins Pratt (Paraclete Books: Brewster, MA) pp.233.
Marilyn said
OK, you are probably right. You should not be writing while on medication. However, your point is not missed- at least I don’t think so. The things that are right in front of us, right now, those simple things that seeminlgy look unimportant because they are so routine or taken for granted are the important things. So many of us complicate our lives with striving to attain or achieve something to make us feel more “important” or “worthy”. What many of us are doing right now, really is enough. Being good human beings to our neighbors, our friends and our family; enjoying the simple things- do you really stop and smell the roses or do you pass by, say how pretty they are and keep moving on. Is that really experiencing the moment? There are so many wonderful things we are graced with, the opportunity to be present, to have hope. Even if you are sad right now, you should be thankful for that, because you have the ability to feel. If you know what it feels like to be sad, then you also know what it feels like to be happy. That is a great thing. The future is wonderful to think about, but somehow, someway, we need to really get back to focusing on the present. Look around you. What is happening in front of you or in you right now? Embrace it.
littlesoulatthebigtable said
Thanks for the comment, Marilyn. I think you definetly captured the positive aspect of appreciating what we have in our lives and living in the moment. But I think that the story of Poto-lamo is also a cautionary tale, at least it is for me.
It reminds me that contrary to the American Dream, I can’t have it all. Somethings are mutually exclusive like selling as many onions as you can vs. enjoying life and selling enough without destroying relationships and a life-style of real value.
I struggle with my desire to live out the gospel. The story reminds to challenge some of the un-challenged definitions I have inherited from our culture in order to shed some light on my blind-spots. How much is “enough?” Am I moving too fast and missing people because my internal drive to justify myself says that I have work a certain way? I don’t, but to “earn a living” and “contributing” means…
I don’t know if this makes sense. I’ll keep blaming the pain meds as I recovery from lithotripsy.
I definitely want to have peace and appreciation for the blessings right in front of me. I definetly don’t want to go on auto-pilot when it comes to challenging what is important and what success and quality of life means.
Peace